“嗯，兩個原因：第一，我懂得一塊錢的價值，因為我每天拼命工作賺錢，這是你還做不到的?！?/p>

我打斷：“但老媽也有工作啊?！?/p>

“這就要說到第二個原因了，就是你老媽人比我好太多了，不是嗎？”

他親了一下我的額頭，就離開了房間。

★ 論“被蜜蜂蜇”

“好、好，冷靜一點(diǎn)。你有沒有覺得呼吸困難？……那你想大便嗎？……不是啦，跟被蜜蜂蜇沒半點(diǎn)關(guān)系，只是你在那邊走來走去，我以為你憋不住了。”

☆On Getting Stung by a Bee

“Okay, okay, calm down. Does your throat feel like it’s closing up?... Do you have to take a crap?... No, that don’t have anything to do with bee stings, it’s just you’re pacing back and forth, I thought maybe you had to go.”

★ 論“全家露營”

“不了，我待在家里就好。你們?nèi)ゼ彝ヂ糜?，我就可以放大假。相信我，這樣才會皆大歡喜?！?/p>

☆On Going Camping with the Family

“No, I’m gonna stay home. You can take a family vacation, and I’ll take a vacation from the family. Trust me, it’ll make both of our time more enjoyable.”

★ 論“我期末成績每科都拿A”

“見鬼哦！你真是個聰明的小鬼，我不相信別人怎么說你了……哦，不是啦，沒人說你不聰明。他們說的是別的事，沒說你笨?！?/p>

☆On Receiving Straight As on My Report Card

“Hot damn! You’re a smart kid—I don’t care what people say about you!... I’m kidding, nobody says you’re not smart. They say other stuff, but not that.”

★ 論“圣誕節(jié)早上的實況錄像”

“好，拆禮物時笑一個……喂，笨蛋，笑的時候要看鏡頭啊?！?/p>

☆On Videotaping Christmas Morning

“Okay, smile when you open your present.... No, smile and look at the camera, dum-dum.”

★ 論“如何分辨食物有沒有壞”

“我怎么知道這東西還能不能吃？就這樣吃，吃出病來就知道它壞了。難不成你們以為你爸的眼睛是顯微鏡?。?！”

☆On How to Tell When Food’s Gone Bad

“How the fuck should I know if it’s still good? Eat it. You get sick, it wasn’t good. You people, you think I got microscopic fucking eyes.”

★ 論“面對小霸王”

“你早晚會碰上渾蛋，但記住，不能只從蛋蛋大小去判斷他們有多危險，真正要看的是他們的蛋能生出什么來?！?/p>

☆On Dealing with Bullies

“You’re going to run into jerk-offs, but remember: It’s not the size of the asshole you worry about, it’s how much shit comes out of it.”

★ 論“安靜”

“你給我安靜就好……汗，誰說我討厭你，我是說，現(xiàn)在，我比較喜歡的是安靜?！?/p>

☆On Silence

“I just want silence.... Jesus, it doesn’t mean I don’t like you. It just means right now, I like silence more.”

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[1]?魔術(shù)盒（Jack in the Box）：美國知名快餐連鎖餐廳。